Zapped and Other Disturbances
Pain Flares and Seasonal Depression
December and January can be difficult months as it is a time when all the things you can no longer do are in your face. You witness others on the move, traveling, going to the beach and doing things you can no longer do and still long to do. I usually do not dwell on what I can't do but when I experienced a bad pain flare around Christmas it was all too much, I had unexpected visitors one day bearing gifts and good will and there was I experiencing 9/10 electric shock shooting pains and I just wanted to hide away, my body was in control and I simply could not be with them like this.
On reflection why did I feel so bad about this episode? A friend suggested explaining to them it is a bit like being in labour but worse and that you simply can't function or be social when you are breathing through severe pain. I realised I also felt vulnerable at the time and by working out a future strategy and understanding my feelings I was able to put this event down to experience.
My pain flares I believe are unusual and I would draw a comparison that ongoing paroxysms of severe electric shock pains are similar to someone experiencing an epileptic fit, this may sound a bit extreme but I don't think it is because basically I have periods where I simply am no longer in control and I have to find a safe place to let the pain take its course. My spinal cord simulator really helps me ride out these pain flares, and debilitating and exhausting as they are I am a lot more confident in handling them. I even know that the depression that so often follows is a reactive depression and will pass.
My art helps pull me back up from this type of depression.